Reflections #8

I have to live today focused on what I can give Him, how I can serve Him, and how I can help Us build Our tomorrow.  I have to focus on what He gives me today and the steps forward He takes that lead Us toward Our tomorrow. 

What We gave each other: Shared experiences.

My Daddy asked me last night to do something with him, a date of sorts even though we're 400+ miles apart.  He made my day yesterday with His suggestion.  Every single time he says "we" or says "we should do..." it sends a flood of warmth through my soul.  He's so independent and strong that when when He consciously or unconsciously references us as a couple, I feel myself submit another step deeper.  Those little things mean so much.  That He intentionally suggested that we see the sequel of the movie from our first date together brought tears to my eyes.  I felt incredibly treasured and cherished and wanted by my Daddy, my Owner, and my Man.  But if I'm honest...it wouldn't have matter what He wanted us to do, whenever He wants me to do something with Him or whenever He wants to share something with me, it means the absolutely world to me.  

His pet, His little girl, His woman took His invitation seriously.  Even though I was going physically alone, I put intention into my appearance as I would for Him.  I slipped into a pretty summer dress that complimented my curves.  I did my face and hair, so I'd be pretty for my Daddy, my Owner, and my Man. I represented Him, and I wanted to represent Him well, so that He would be proud of what is His in every way. I sent him a pic just as He'd sent me His.  Oh to see my handsome beautiful Man sets my heart and yes, my body, a flutter.  I still blush when He compliments me.  I can still even be a little shy in how much I crave and desire Him.  ~sigh~

* * * * * * * * * * * 

The last few weeks have been challenging, but we have given each other continual perseverance.  No matter what pain or hardship...we refuse to give up.  We refuse to let go of each other or our dreams.  Even in the most painful experiences we will hold each other up and protect one another as best we can.  No matter what, no matter when, no matter where...we are always there for one another. We don't push each other away when in pain.  We open our minds, bodies and hearts to one another and bring each other close and find the one true refuge...each other.  

Life is rarely easy or simple. In the hardest of times there's two kinds of people. There's those that flock to watch the fire and stand on their lawns in sympathy but remain at a distance.  And there those very few who stand next to you trying to put out the flames and who are still there the next morning and every day after helping you to pick up the pieces that are left.  Those die hards that refuse to quit are who M and I are for one another without fail.  I never thought I'd find such Man that would treat me as I would treat Him.  I'd long ago believed that that kind of loyalty only existed in my idealistic mind.  But M shows me again and again, just as I show Him over and over...neither of us are going anywhere.  We've got each other yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

* * * * * * * * * * * 

We've given each other our best.  We've taken care of one another.  I've served Him in any way I can.  His given me much to hold close, to treasure, and to honor.  Together we make our way forward inch by inch, mile by mile.  I am grateful for every shared moment and every experience we have together.

~DominaKat

Reflections #7

I have to live today focused on what I can give Him, how I can serve Him, and how I can help Us build Our tomorrow.  I have to focus on what He gives me today and the steps forward He takes that lead Us toward Our tomorrow. 

What We gave each other:

We are stronger together than we are apart.  We heal each other, take care of each other, and find solace and hope in one another.  If we share each others burdens the weight becomes lighter.  Neither of us is alone anymore.  He's told me that a hundred times in the last two and a half years.  We have each other, and when we hang on tight, pull each other close, and walk together, we can make it through even the hardest days.

Even more so than ever before, I believe that forces beyond my comprehension brought me to Him and that every step we take together brings us closer to our destiny.  I am eternally gratefully to those forces for leading us together.  I love that Man more every day.

~DominaKat

Reflections #6: June 1-4, 2014

My focus on the good pieces that help us move forward.

I have to live today focused on what I can give Him, how I can serve Him, and how I can help Us build Our tomorrow. 

What I gave Him:

• His pet: With my last post, I became unequivocally aware of how deeply I've been transformed in my D/s relationship with M.  My submission trumps even my own self preservation. In our follow up discussion of my post M asked me if that frightened me. I took a moment to consider, and my answer is no, I'm not afraid. It simply is. My faith and trust are His. I've given in completely and finally let go of my fears.  
• His woman & pet: In times of stress, I've offered my Man compassion and understanding, and done my best to stay calm and compliant. My place and purpose is to be the soft spot He turns to and finds comfort in.  Even if His mood is that of a cranky bear, I need to keep that generous soft warm side of me open to Him, so He can find that sanctuary when He's ready.  Even when he growls or takes swipes, I lower my guard even further and refuse to antagonize or walk away and leave Him isolated as He carries His heavy burden on His shoulders.  I am here for Him even when He is not His best.
• Alfred: Several more chapters of edits and a draft conversion for a special occasion.  All of which move us another step closer to our future.
• His woman: walking and making healthier choices for Him and for Our future.
• His pet: I've maintained my protocols and kept my focus on Him. He is my priority. He comes first.

I have to focus on what He gives me today and the steps forward He takes that lead Us toward Our tomorrow. 

What He gave me:

•  My Man has shared with me His mind. From the happenings around him to insightful tidbits that interest us both He's reached out to include me in His life and made me a part of His day which helps bring us closer together and more in tune with each others needs and frame of mind.
• My Owner has maintained authority and responsibility over His pet's most basic actions which reinforces His ownership and desire for Dominance and Control.
• My Man has continued to polish and mold His work and created/embraced a positive working process that allows us to move quickly and more effectively than we have in the past. I truly enjoy working with Him. It has been one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had both personally and professionally.

Not every day is perfect, but the goal for any couple should be to cherish the pieces that bring us joy and closer together.  Our journey together brings each of us challenges but together we are stronger and have more stamina to move beyond the stumbles of today.

~DominaKat

Utter Ruin

This morning I asked permission to play with His cunt.  My fat lips tingled with need for something...anything to slide through them and penetrate that greedy hole.  That hungry nub ached a bit for some action.  M granted me permission and my hand dove between my spread white thighs.

I don't know why I even bothered.

While my body may sometimes twitch for sexual release, nothing but M's hunger can satisfy me.  Where I use to be able to squirt buckets for my own twisted imagination and touch, I can barely even summon the most rudimentary slick heat.  ~sigh~

I'm ruined.

M ruined me.

It isn't just that I crave his hands, mouth, dick, Dominance, pain, use, etc., etc.  I know if M demanded it, with the right tone, non-XXX touch, a few minutes to get me into the right headspace, he could make me cum in a restaurant full of diners within minutes without even touching any of my holes or causing me pain.

So then how exactly am I ruined?  How deep does my ruination go?

Fucking bone deep.  DNA deep.  Soul deep.

I just realized the "key" to it all.  I quite frankly struggle to take any selfish pleasure. If the source of my action (any action) is not to serve Him, to obey His direction, or to please Him in some way shape or form, it holds little appeal.  In the case of my sexual energy...if it is not derived from His desire/need...I'm damn near numb.  My heart, my mind, and my body are so intricately and irrevocably tied to Him it astounds me a bit sometimes.  Me...the strong, independent, don't fuck with me warrior, the whore with the insatiable sex drive...is truly tamed to His hand.  Every piece of me has knelt at His feet and waits for His lead and direction.  I...even in the act of self-pleasure...have no control.  If He does not crave, demand, or nurture my body's response, it will lie dormant in wait for Him.  I could shove the best toy in the world up in me and the battery would die before I found any true satisfaction.  Everything I do—everything I am—revolves around Him.

~sigh~

Yes. I. Am. Ruined.
~DominaKat

Fool In The Rain

Ohhhh yeah...THIS!!!! ~sigh~

http://youtu.be/0R8s0_9kUzQ

Reflections #5: May 27-31

Travel and festivities have made blogging impossible, but that by no means is a reflection of my focus. Again and again I center around or reach for the positive in order to stay balanced. 

I have to live today focused on what I can give Him, how I can serve Him, and how I can help Us build Our tomorrow. 

What I gave Him the last few days:

• His woman...stayed confident and calm when dealing with the least pleasant piece of my past. This was probably my calmest trip yet. While annoyed and disgusted at times with Misery, my anxiety was at an all time low which helps M focus on the responsibilities he has on this hands. 
• Alfred...was able to squeeze in some edits and to dedicate time to review M's revisions, which were phenomenal!!! One more chapter closer to our dreams! :-) oh and I was able to get another graphic out the door. 
• His woman...gave him support, understanding, compassion, and concern. His focus is my focus, and when we share a vision we are stronger together. 
• His woman...shared a little something I knew He would enjoy. It allowed Him to in turn share with a friend who enjoyed it even more. :-) Ripples.
• His pet...in the middle of a rough night, I focused His...mantra. "I'm never letting you go." No matter how many times He says that to me, I never tire of them.  By focusing on those beautiful words, I submitted to my faith and trust in Him and in Us. 
• His submissive/pet...worked hard to not be distracted from protocols. That effort helped me feel more connected to my Owner and feel the comfort of my leash. 

I have to focus on what He gives me today and the steps forward He takes that lead Us toward Our tomorrow. 

What He gave me the last few days:

• My Man/Daddy spent hours with me the night before my trip. No work. Just play. Laughter. Heated debates. Thoughtful insights that shifted perspectives. I always LOVE spending the last hours of the day with Him, but those hours that night helped grounded me firmly mentally and emotionally for the coming days which made me stronger for us both.
• My Owner demanded my obedience and refused to allow me to slack.  He pulled my leash and forced me to give Him more. I always find peace and comfort on His leash, but being challenged...feeling that tug to heel...makes me feel desired. I felt like He was hungry for my submission and His dog to be kneeling at His side. ~sigh~ My mental and emotional submission deepen. And yeah...it turns me the fuck on and makes me want to lick His boots. Mmmmmm
• My Man was open and honest with me about unimportant things. While they have no impact at all on Us, those tidbits help me feel connected to His life. With them he shares these fascinating little pieces of His past and I learn the subtleties of Him.
• My Daddy cuddled up with me very early this morning. ~sigh~ I love our quiet easy mornings together. He sounds so damn sexy! ~sigh~ I crave sucking Him right now. 
• My M pushed through the work and wrestled with slippery nuances to nail down another great chapter.
• My Man/Dom shared with me His challenges and concerns which demonstrates His trust and faith in me and that I am His soft spot to land when He needs. 
• My Owner, Man, Daddy reached out with an "I love you, pet." at several perfect moments when I needed to feel Him holding my hand.

M is my sun and moon. The more He takes and demands of His pet, the more I find in me to give. The more I give the more content I feel at His feet in His shadow. ~sigh~ I am His submissive. I am His pet. I am His. 

~DominaKat