2014, M, Dreams & NYC

2014 has taken off with such clear focus and immense momentum that at times I'm left dizzy.  M and I have our direction and are working extremely hard to accomplish our goals: to see him published and for me to relocate to NYC.  We have found an amazing and powerful team in each other, and together we have more momentum and reach then we do individually or even dreamed possible.

Today is an anniversary of sorts. January 30, 2012, two years ago, I reached out to the Man behind a short paragraph of insightful warm words.  Instantly, I was drawn to Him, but never expected all that has come from that moment.  So many of the pieces of us lined up perfectly. Within a handful of months and countless hours of shared words, laughter, tears, dreams, debates, and memories, we were in love and involved in a deep, stunning, beautiful D/s relationship.  Both that love and our dynamic have continued to evolve, grow, and deepen with every passing day.

I often marvel (lol) at the shift my life has taken in the last two years.  I've never been happier or more at peace.  Through the best of times and the worst, we have leaned on each other and grown more and more as a couple.  We've brought out the very best in each other in so many ways and tempered the worst as well learning to work through our struggles.  Our lives have entwined tightly in ways neither of us two years ago would have imagined as we've found in each other what we had always been searching for in a partner and love.

As my Owner's pet at His feet, I have found where I belong.

As my Daddy's babygirl in His arms, I have found were I belong

As my Man's woman by His side, I have found where I belong.

In every way imaginable I am His.

I love and am in love with that Man more than I can ever possibly explain.  I can no longer imagine my life without Him.  He told me it would happen, but I didn't understand at the time.  I have transformed.  He's claimed and leashed this lioness as His own, and I have worked hard to evolve into a better me for us.  I've stepped outside of every one of my comfort zones.  I've shed or am shredding all the defenses I've ever held up to the world and let Him in where no one has ever been allowed so see or touch, let alone take up residence.  I no longer have shoeboxes.  The last of them fell away with the New Year, and now I've held Him up to every man, woman, and child in my life as my priority and my heart.  I have given Him everything I have, and yet each day I wake up to begin again with M as my Alpha and Omega and pour myself into our today and our tomorrow. I'm still learning.  I'm still growing.  Under His guidance and nurturing, I'm still transforming.

But the best part is is that I am not alone in my efforts.  Time and time again M has given me incredible gifts of Himself to His pet.  I've never been so well respected or cherished or nurtured or protected.  Just as I have, He's given me pieces no one else has access to or ever earned the privilege to see.

Even after two years, He still renders me speechless.  "I am never letting you go." "There is nothing else more important than what we are doing together right here and now." "You've won it all. Nothing and no one holds a candle to you." "No...I very much have a plan when it comes to you." ~whimper~ He is my everything.

This year will change our lives and bring us even closer together.  I've never held this kind of hope and enthusiasm for tomorrow, but as His I've learned that the wonder and magic of life is very possible.

Since M has entered my life, I look forward to every day and our future together, but in 2014 I look forward so much more - to making our dreams a reality and creating a home in NYC where we can thrive. :-)

Happy Anniversary, Daddy. I love you, M. My heart is yours. My leash is forever in your hand. I am simply Yours.
~DominaKat

Real Life Stalkers & Nosy Folks

The theme lately seems to be a recurring one in my life - being stalked by people on the fringe of my...personal real-life circle.  You know...those people who have nothing better to do that to track you down and sift through whatever breadcrumbs you've left to discover something they haven't been told and then never acknowledge that they are your biggest fan? Ahhhhh voyeur?  Ahhhhhh stalker?  Oooooh...look...you found something posted on the internet!  Mustabeen a HUGE secret, huh.  After all I do push my posts on social media.  ~eye roll~ lol silly, silly fools.

You see...you're intent (to dig through people's lives while lurking like a cockroach in the shadows) and the "never acknowledge" part is what makes you fucked up.  Seriously fucked up.  There's something ugly and petty and childish about you in your soul that you can't redeem or free yourself from.  You're a slave to it.  Compelled to find details you haven't, nor could you ever, earn.  I'd feel bad except I really don't give a fuck...you're merely a cockroach hiding in the dark afraid to get stepped on and crushed by my shoe.

But here's a few things my stalkers should know...

1. I know you're there.
2. I - with M's blessing and encouragement - have allowed the "breadcrumbs" you followed to exist.  
3. You see...neither he nor I have a thing to hide.  We are proud of our love, our relationship, and our kinky, sexy, smoking hot, passionate dynamic.  ~sigh~ ;-)
4. Your moral judgement means nothing to me. LOL Nothing.
5. If you try to fuck with M or my relationship with M, I will fucking seek out to destroy you through any fucking means necessary.  Don't doubt this one.  Seriously.  You have never seen the vicious bitch I can be.

If you mean no harm and either A. are interested in kink or D/s dynamics or B. enjoy my writing, then why haven't you reached out to say something?  Left a comment?  Or in some way, shape, or form acknowledge your repeat visits?  Hmmmm...yeah, there it is...it's because you feel inside you that you've done something wrong.  Gotta love that inner voice in our gut that tells us when we're fucking up, don't ya?

And if you're one of my kids, who are way, way, WAY old enough to know better...do the feelings in you at least make a little more sense now?  When you're brave enough, give me a call...we can chat.

a very proud submissive, pet, and whore to my M,
~DominaKat

At The End of the Day

"At the end of the day, it's all about you." ~M

Damn, but I love that Man something fierce.  With a sentence, He brings me to my knees at His feet in love, respect, and submission. I comfortably and peacefully settle into my place where I belong.

We've been busting our asses the last month.  Seriously, I've never worked this much or this hard or this passionately for anyone or anything.  There's never been a Man by my side and in my life who has deserved this depth of dedication.  Life taught me lessons, and I learned long ago to mirror closely what others show and share with me, to never jump in the deep end if the other is sitting at the pool edge.  In my past, no one ever wanted to go deep.

M from day one and every day since has defied that trend.  Every day for nearly two years now, M and I have intentionally chosen to move deeper and deeper into each others lives.  With little actions and big we've gained each other's trust, respect, and grown together as a couple.  We've entwined our lives and shared with each other our best and our worst. The foundation we've built is fucking beautiful, but where we will go from here is truly breathtaking.

Here.  M's dream is nearly in His grasp.  We've worked so hard together to reach this goal.  When this began so long ago neither of us knew what the other would bring to the process or how serious the other's intentions were.  But we dreamed.  We tried.  We were honest.  We believed.  And we've both gone far beyond each other's expectations.  Now suddenly, it's all so fucking close! LOL Oh...the thrill and joy of it all!!!!  I'm so fucking proud of Him.

Like I've said...we've been busy as hell.  Going down check lists of tasks, planning for the release, networking, hustling, errands, family, friends, etc...every day is packed.  We are routining up until 2 or 3 AM and up again by 7 or 8 AM.  But no matter what is going on...at the end of the day, it's all about Us.  And for me, at the end of the day it's all about Him.  Every thing I do honors Him and His Place in my life as my Dom, my Owner, my Daddy, my Man.  No one and nothing comes above or before Him and Us.  He is my future.  We are our future.  Together we find that harmony and become infinitely stronger with the potential to do great, great things as a team.

I've never shared this kind of intimacy with anyone.  It goes through every aspect of my life.  There isn't a place in me were He doesn't exist and Own.  I've never been "all in"like this.  Neither of us have.  It feels so fucking right.  In fact, I've never been surer of anything.

Yeah...We've definitely found ourselves on "this side of holy shit" as M foretold. :-)
~DominaKat

Coming Down

I can't lie.  I've crashed today.  There's a vacuum left with M's departure, a hole in my life.  I haven't been able to focus on shit.  I simply miss his presence.  I'm a little lost.  A little sad.  A little cranky.  No tears or drama.  Just (as M would call it) angst. ~sigh~  Coming down isn't as bad this time as it has been.  The hint of anger and frustration is tempered by the enormous amount of peace I felt over the last couple weeks with M.  There was no rush.  We simply were us.  Hours of conversation.  Long hours in each other's arms.  Laughter and play.  Working together with ease.  Delicious dips into our darkness.  Sweet, complete harmony.

And I miss the fuck out of it all.

Dammit.  And the tears start to fall.

There are a hundred moments from the last two weeks that I'm replaying in my head.   Little and big moments I'll never forget.  Sharing Christmas at midnight.  Our walk to the beach.  The little trips to history.  The kisses.  Holding hands.  Falling asleep and waking up in His arms.  Sitting in the car and just talking at the park.  Hours spent touching Him, massaging Him, loving Him.  Sharing together in the excitement as everything we've been working toward went live and kicked off to build our future.

From sharing popcorn at the movies to sitting at His feet in submission.  From doing His laundry to having the warm spicy taste of His dick in my mouth.  From us both skeptically assessing the stew sitting in the new crockpot to starring into His eyes above me as He demanded from me a pleasure so deep, dark, and raw I was turned inside out.

Fuck...how did He know?  How did He know how much I needed to see His face and look into His beautiful warm eyes as we shared passion?  I never once said that, but there He was above me..."Look at me."  I clung to Him in sheer desperation as He dragged me through our beautiful madness.

God, I need Him.

~sigh~  Yes...I'm strong, intelligent, capable, and handle my business.  I'm a grown ass woman who can function very well without a man in my life.  I kick ass at business meetings, I can do maintenance around the house, with a little bit of effort I can be stunning, and I can defend and stand up for myself.  I've survived ugliness and pain to come out stronger time and time again.

But I fucking need that Man.

I never knew a relationship could be this...joyous.  When I am with Him I am finally fucking home.  When I'm not...the world seems dull, grey, and empty.  I've wandered my house searching for direction, but He's my direction.  We blend so easily together.

~sigh~ If He knew of my tears, He'd tell me to stop and calm down.  He'd soothe me.  But that's gotten me nowhere today.  Maybe I just need to purge these emotions.  The ache has only grown worse with every passing hour.  I've tried everything I can think of to fill the hole in my life today, and nothing has filled it even a fraction.  I know logically I'll get past this point in a few days, but right now I'm just overwhelmed and hate every inch that separates us.

I KNOW that every step we are taking helps to move us toward a time when we'll be together, but fuck...I'm impatient.  I want to be in NYC now.  I want to start the rest of our life together.  I want to look at the Man who holds my heart in my hand as we're rushing around in the morning to start our day.  I want to hear Him come in the door as I finish getting our dinner together.  I want to walk though the neighborhood, take care of Him when He's sick, fold his socks, help build His dreams, be His soft spot when things are rough and be the one by His side when He succeeds.

This trip was beautiful because it was so very...normal.  It reflected all of the things we long for.  It wasn't a vacation filled with excitement and excess.  We simply lived, breathed, and were together and it was so fucking sweet and warm.  It's addicting.  lol Who would have thought that I'd be here.  ~sigh~ My god, the difference M has made in me and my life is sometimes astounding.

All I know is...

I just want to be home with M where I belong.
~DominaKat

His property

I love when he claims His property.

Primal Bitch

Do you ever feel like you're walking in two worlds at once? A polite smile on your face or diligently going about work while at the same time the other dark barely rational side of your brain is racing through an onslaught of needs and cravings that makes most porn seem like a fucking Disney flick? Yeah...that's been me most of today.

Under my calm exterior, my dark wicked primal beast is pacing her cage like a bitch in heat.  I am craving pure cruel sin like a rabid wild animal. Primal nasty sexual lust is building behind my internal "be calm" dam, when really all I want to do is to pull off my clothes, crouch down, spread my thick thighs and piss in the god damn snow for him then shove four fingers up M's cunt and growl with unrestrained need as he pisses all over me.  Yeah...this lust is raw and uncensored and fucking twisted.  I don't want pretty. I crave that dark dark vicious place that lives in the shadows between M and I. 

I need beat.  Not a tame beating. I want punched, kicked, smacked around like a rag doll until I'm bruised and bleeding. I crave dark sexual humiliation and violence. To be forced to hump His beautiful fucking boots then made to lick them up like its my last meal. I want to lay spread eagle and feel the hard unforgiving tread of those fucking boots on my sloppy wet slit and ride that harsh surface until I squirt like a porn star. I need raped with that bat M has hanging in the closet for me. I need dragged around by hair and bound to suffer simply for M's twisted sick pleasure. 

I need to be His slut and whore. His fuck doll. His toy. His plaything. His fucking victim. 

I don't care who sees. I don't give a fuck who knows. The only thing I crave is being brutal put unquestionably in my fucking place. 

But all that just silently and politely stews in the back of my mind as I calmly make dinner. Anyone hungry? lol ;-)

~DominaKat