Another Kinky Resource

Yes, my Spock side is currently fascinated with understanding pain. My previous "Subspace" post was focused on the results. However, this article gets into the chemical cause of that delicious natural high. I found this compliments of Fet's Viri Dominant forum.  Thought I'd share..

What impact do endorphins and or serotonin have against adrenaline?

For other pain centric resources, check out my List I.

~shrug~  I know.  No yummy smut, but information and understanding goes a LONG way toward helping everyone make the most of an experience.  Oh and yes...submissives should learn too.  Ignorance ain't cute.  Pull your weight too s's.  And for any wanna be D/M's afraid of educating their submissives...what?  Afraid she might grow passed your lazy ignorant ass???

LOL  Yeah...I've had my fill lately of silly assholes posing as god's gift and saviors to women. ~eye roll~ I can barely believe those fools could take care of a goldfish let alone a submissive.

Huh...I went off on a tangent there.  lol  ;-)
~DominaKat

Thoughts on Subspace? Anyone? Anyone?

I'm trying to figure out subspace.  I've been on the fringes of the lifestyle and actively expanding my knowledge for almost two years.  However in the last two months...Ohhh-La-LAAAAAA!!!  M has shown me the LIGHT!!!  Hallelujah!!!

*cough* Okay...as I was saying, I'm trying to understand subspace.

Most talk about floating...zen...some tra-la-la happy floaty place.  Mine?  Mine seems to be an agressive hungry wild beast!  Soooo...WTF is THAT?!?  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy and tra-la-la-ish once we've wrapped up a scene.  I can buzz off of play with M for days.  But I don't really consider that subspace.  To me that's post play oh-my-god-M-sated-my-insatiable-need-for-hot-HOT-sex joy and bliss.  Not at all the the same experience I get during play.

Let me elaborate a bit...

During pain/impact play, I see/feel very distinct phases.

1. First I'm in "Oww!  Damn that hurts, but oh yes I want this." mode.  That lasts for a while.  Very fun and enjoyable.  The pain is warm shifting to hot as time goes on.
2. Then all of a sudden the pain shifts from hot to cool, and I'm in sheer animalistic bliss where I just devour pain.  I am HUNGRY - STARVED - FAMISHED for it!  "More... more... more... give me MORE."  There is a huge grin on my face, and I feel stronger and more alive than I ever have felt in my life.  I arch into every damn lick of the crop, thud of the flogger, kiss of his belt.  Seriously...nothing phases me.  (And yes, M is extremely cognizant that he has to be very careful with me in this stage since I don't feel much.)
3. Then suddenly that deliciously wicked bubble pops and I shifted again.  This is the "Oh FUCK FUCK FUCK that hurts like hell!!!!!!" The pain is fire now.  I whimper, beg, cry...all that very fun stuff.  

I'm pretty sure the second stage is my subspace.  Thoughts?  Feedback?  Anyone?  Anyone?

Okay, another example...

When our play is more based on my submission and sex - rough still but not impact play.  I can get to a very similar place as well.  If M is deep in my head, the mindfuck hard and dirty combined with raw, yummy sex, there aren't phases, but eventually I turn into a mindless, crazed beast hungry for the next thrust, the next orgasm.  Errrrrrr!  I'm like the animal that has finally been let out of her cage to run wild and free.  Erotic, insane bliss!  *sigh*  Daddy...

*cough* Oh yeah...Wouldn't that be subspace too???  

The only difference I've noticed so far is that during the pain/punishment subspace, I'm mentally still capable.  My judgement isn't necessarily reasonable, but I can add, subtract, multiply...division may be a challenge, but...  Anyway.   When it's sex and submission...Hell, I couldn't tell you how to flip a light switch.  lol  I'd probably look at you blankly and growl.  *shrug*  Don't judge!

Considering neither of these seem to come close to the general consensus of happy-happy-joy-joy Buddhist tranquil peace, is this really subspace I'm experiencing?  Or am I being possessed by aliens?  Not that I mind really.  And if this is my subspace...do I have various kinds of subspace?  Different levels of subspace?  Anyone?  Anyone?

*sigh* Okay well if you've read this far at least say something!!!!  Even if it's...wow, maybe call a priest next time.  Which I won't, cause M and my inner beast are just too much damn fun.

Now let me go find Daddy, so we can do some scientific experiments of this whole subspace thing.   Daddy?!?  Hehehe  ;-)

Seriously...any insight would be appreciated.  I'm in Spock mode on this one.  The more I understand the more I can do to take full advantage of it!
~DominaKat

Wet Rebellion

The oppressive heat licked my skin.  Tantalizing thoughts of what we'd shared last night still lingered seductively in my mind like a drug.  I was both enthralled at the prospect of dancing across the edge of madness with M and rebellious of my mounting addiction to Him.  The intensity and depth that he'd driven me to taunted me wickedly.  The flood gates had been opened.  Madness called to me.  "Yes...it's here.  Play with it in your mind.  Come.  Come to the edge and feel a bit more of the sweet, sweet rush."

My legs spread instinctively on their own.  There I laid achingly.  My little summer dress pulled to my waist.  His smooth cunt dripping for Him.  But I was helplessly alone with my thoughts, my questions, my sheer fucking need for more.

I replayed in my head what I'd done for Him - what He had done To me.  The collar had hugged my neck so comfortingly.  The heavy weight of the leash had been a firm reminder of my place.  The wide girth of the plug had nudged me deeper into dark, wild need as it sank into my tender ass.  Raging hunger had broken over me as each link of the chain leash's tail was slowly pushed inside His pet's wet, willing fuckhole.  

The memories of last night made me ache with need.  My hand fluttered to my warm, soft thigh in comfort.  As visions of how I'd ground myself onto the chain swamped me, my hand shifted further and further up my thigh.  So soft.  So warm.

My mind continued to wander...how I'd cum so violently simply in foreplay and gushed over the hard nubs of a handful of leash.  My finger slipped into my quivering pussy.

I was disobeying.  I was breaking the rules.  I whimpered.  In need.  In frustration.

Another finger.  I sighed.  For the desire that flooded my body.  For my guilt at my insatiable fucking cravings.

Another finger.  A groan of defiance.  A plead for punishment.

My thoughts raced over how wanton I'd been for Him.  How I'd raised my ass in the air for Him begging.  My cheek pressed so firmly to the sheets stained with my tears.  My hand working frantically at my clit. 

I gave in recklessly.  Unapologetically.  My fingers stroked.  Tore in and out of His disobedient whore's greedy cunt.

The depraved threats and dark promises he'd whispered as I shook and begged to cum again as he had tormented me so sweetly and brutally.  I begged.  I begged until I was fucking hoarse.  When he'd demanded my orgasm, it fell so obediently into my hand and across the sheets I sobbed in relief, 

Slick molten juices covered my fingers.  The pressure built.  I arched my hips.  Wanting more.  Needing Him.  Always fucking needing, aching, craving, wanting...HIM.

Those threats...Those promises...What if...Oh fuck...what if...I shouldn't...but yes, I would...yes, yes, yes, yes....please please yes...

Sheer fucking madness consumed my head.  I cried out and shoved my fingers deep.  The mental mindfuck broke over me hard and dark.  My womb spasmed, and I gushed over my fingers and thighs in wet rebellion.

I whimpered...for so many reasons I can't even begin to explain.

Mercy, M.  Have mercy...
~DominaKat

Absolute Submission

I followed M.  Now here I am.  Apparently I've finally arrived at taaaa-daaaa...Absolute Submission.  No right or wrong.  No pleasure.  No pain.  Simply His will.  How I arrived at this moment, I don't quite understand.

I'd laid down for a little bit as I just wasn't feeling quite like myself.  As I relaxed and let my brain wander, I surprisingly realized that physically I was wet.  But my head wasn't there at all if that makes any sense.  I explained to M what was going on.  He, always looking out for me, immediately asked, "What's the matter, pet?"  He knows me.  He knows I'm essentially insatiable.  He knows that I can go from 0 to 60 in 1.4 seconds.  He knows how thoroughly and deeply I respond to the slightest nudge from him.

So I didn't know what the fuck my problem was.  I didn't need affection.  Those soft, sweet pieces of me were the antithesis of where I was.  I didn't ache for pain.  Even what I typically felt as my submission was very, very far away.  Mentally and emotionally I was...no where.  I lacked the will-motivation to do anything.  I simply would have liked to be used...cold, hard use.  I can't even say I "wanted" or "needed" to be used as those terms (in my head) imply some type of heat or drive.  Nope.  Do whatever.  I'm here.  I don't care.

This seemed odd, and in some ways slightly alarming to me.  But as I explained, M couldn't have been more pleased with me.  He didn't expect me here this quickly - so soon after we'd first discussed it.  I on the other hand was basically in essentially a whatever mode.

He'd hoped to be with me when this hit.  But since he couldn't at the moment, under his direction I played with myself.  NOTHING phased me.  NUUUU-THING.  My nipple clamps which were impossible for me to tolerate at their lightest setting the last time M put them on me...I couldn't even feel.  I keep tightening and tightening.  Then I realized each screw was completely disengaged.    lol Not even a whimper.

I stuffed my cunt and ass with toys.  Nothing.  Vibrator on high.  Nothing.  I eventually just gave up.  Without permission I might add, which resulted in a firm ass chewing.  Even his verbal displeasure didn't phase me, and that has always sent me into an immediate emotional, physical, and mental submission.

I was truly just a fucktoy.

I was M's rag doll.

No.  I AM M's rag doll.  I haven't been able to shake this...mood - find my way out of this place.  Though I'm not necessarily looking for the exit door either.  I'm here.  Waiting.  Endlessly patient.  For...whatever.  In an extremely distant, almost out-of-body way, I want M to do things to me.  Perverted things.  Sick and twisted things.  I don't care.  I can't find any mental or emotional heat.  I coldly want to be used heartlessly.  Violently.  Like a mindless doll I am simply His to do with as he wants.  No judgement.  No hesitation.  No thought.  Just...okay.  I will lay there and take it.  Take it all.

Disassociation?

Disconnect?

De-humanized?

Don't care.  I just want to watch and physically feel my sick fuck do things to me.  Carelessly push my top up as he straddles my waist and squeezes and smacks my tits.  Open my mouth like a doll and fuck my face.  Spread my legs so he can examine His doll's cunt.  Stick things in it.  Watch it squirt and hear his dark laugh.  All while I just lay here and occasionally barely respond to physical sensations.  I know I'd probably cum.  M promises me, I'll cum very hard.  However cumming hard seems like it would be more work or effort than I have to give.

I can't even summons any intellectual alarm bells.  lol  I fully comprehend that I can't see any limit.  No part of me gives a fuck.  ~shrug~  I'd suck off five strangers if he told me to.  I'd spread my legs for a gang bang if he wanted.  I'd crawl naked in the street.  I'd let him do...depraved things.  My morals have seemingly disappeared.  My only compass is His will.

"You've tapped into it very nicely," my Owner commented.

Huh.  Okay.  I wasn't trying.  Just strangely here.

Too bad, M isn't.  It'd probably be nice if his dick was pounding His doll's tight puckered asshole right now.  Oh well...
~M's Doll

Primal

This morning I wasn't quite sane.  In fact, I was half crazed.  I was ready to throw things.  The want...the sheer fucking NEED!  M's responses to my ranting? "Very good."  "I like it like this."  THAT bulaklak only incensed me further.  The sadistic bastard relished my slipping grip on sanity.  I could practically see the little devil sitting smugly on his shoulder gleefully rubbing his hands together as his tail twitched back and forth.  Errrrrrr...

He'd pushed me further than ever last night.  A true mindfuck that went on for hours and continued through this morning.  He'd ripped down another huge wall, brick by brick.  He didn't just touch me deeply, he'd calmly walked into the core of me and destroyed the few damn illusions of civility I still held in front of me.  He'd uncovered my "true nature."  He'd "exposed IT."

Hidden under all the bullshit and learned societal expectations, he'd found His fucktoy.

Nothing I've ever experienced can came close to the deep, dark place M lead me to last night.  The road there took me through shame, embarrassment and humiliation.  I can't even explain.  Only He and I will know, understand, and share that place.  Once I accepted where I was and let go of the emotions that held me back, it became entirely physical.  M discovered and made me face my truly PRIMAL side.  There was no longer right or wrong.  There was only M and his fucktoy.

He toyed with me.  He taunted me.  He made me wallow in the darkness and beg.  Until I fully knew what it was and why it is here.

And then...He never even let me cum last night, the cruel bastard.

While mentally and emotionally exhausted, my body was taunt and vibrating as he calmly tucked me in.  I didn't know if I was coming or going.  After an incredibly restless night's sleep, I woke up not to peace or rewards, but only the second half of my lesson.

He wasn't done with me.  He never fucking is!  He refused to let the light of day chase away that shadowy darkness between us.  Yes, while I could accept that he showed me with absolutely clarity that part of me had always craved it, in broad daylight it's not all that damn comfortable.  I was still trying to come to terms with how raw and crude and cruel some part of me truly fucking needs to be taken.  Yes, I'm a twisted bitch.  And on top of all that mental conflict, I was still in a physical frenzy for him.  I needed a nasty, rough, cruel fuck session with His hard dick.  And I was pissed the fuck off that I wasn't rutting on His meat until I passed out!!!!  Instead he taunted and teased me through the morning.  However, I was no longer begging or whimpering, I was clawing at him and demanding and on the verge of real violence.

FINALLY he had mercy on me.  Without a single kinky stroke or touch, my one orgasm was so incredibly intense I nearly blacked out.  My cum splattered legs shook uncontrollably.  With that single blessed release...it was as if there was nothing left to me.  No emotions.  Just a calmness that made me question if I'd ever be the same after that wicked mindfuck.

~whimper~

He should definitely come with a warning label.
~DominaKat

Kink Resources: List I

Augh...I have a ton of bookmarks, emails, thread links I've saved because the info I read was helpful and insightful.  I'm just going to start posting here and as needed in my navigation in order to share with my friends as well as give me a quick way to go back.  FYI:  Some are links to Fet content, so you'll have to be a member to read.  (Go ahead...Join!  Trust me...you'll never be the same.  Hehehehe)

• Slave Heart by SirRender (Fet link)...I was moved beyond belief.  Reading it changed me forever.  All of a sudden my life made sense.  Oh...Guys/Doms should absolutely read it too!!!
• Consent and Law Enforcement (Fet link):  Good information to review.  Being able to handle a sticky situation is sexy.  Trust me!
• Processing Pain articles on Submissive Guide
• Processing Pain and Being a Masochist 2/3/10
• Processing Pain in Play: What is the Natural Process? 4/1/11
• Processing Pain in Play: Negative Pain Management Techniques 4/4/11
• Processing Pain in Play: Positive Pain Management Techniques 4/5/11
• Processing Pain in Play: Learning a Processing Technique 4/6/11
• Processing Pain in Play: What is the Benefit of Pain, Anyway? 4/7/11
• Processing Pain in Play: What Can Interrupt or Block Pain Processing? 4/8/11
• Processing Pain in Play: Overcoming the False Edge 4/9/11

Hope those were helpful!  More to come...
~DominaKat

Serve. Please. Accept.

His "nasty whore."  His "dirty, filthy slut."  He'd done things to me no one had ever dared.  I'd whimpered.  I'd begged.  I'd taken what he demanded I accept.  There was no doubt now...I was His.  But he wasn't through with me by any means.

He dragged me still dripping by my hair out of the tub.  On my knees at nearly my most submissive, I slipped against the cool, pristine tile as I sucked hungrily at my Owner's hard, black dick.  I couldn't get enough.  I'd never get enough.  Serve.  Please.  Accept.  Those were my only thoughts, my only needs.  His only thought seemed to be take and take and oh fuck yes...TAKE!  I willingly gagged and choked on his dick.  He shoved it unmercifully down my hungry throat.  I must have looked like a little bird on that floor my mouth so hungrily open.

When he suddenly pulled me up and shoved me over the sink, I was dazed.  I simply clung to the porcelain, trying to gather my wits.  M never gave me a chance.  He never fucking does, the sadistic bastard.  I LOVE it!  He pulled my hair forcing my head back as far as it would go..."Look at yourself.  Look what a dirty cunt you are."  I'd never seen myself so lost in desire and submission.  My slick, nude body was full and ripe for use.  I was meant for this fate.  I was destine to be his property.

Slapping at my ass, he demanded I spread my legs.  At my instinctual compliance, he buried his cock in my hot, wet pussy and began fucking my slippery hole with no care.  He smacked at my face as I watched him ride his bitch - ride me - in the mirror.  I panted.  I came.  I took.  I came again.  I begged for more.  I simply existed for his pleasure.  Serve.  Please.  Accept.  I gave it to Him.

It didn't take long before his desire to take demanded so much more of me.  With no warm up, the head of his dick began a determined shove into my tight puckered asshole.  With no lube, my fear spiked..."Please, M.  It hurts..."  His hands gripped my waist and held me firmly in place.  "Good," he growled hungrily,  "I like fucking hurting you.  Take it." I cried out in fear and the feel of him holding his dick between my spread cheeks.  He wasn't backing down.  I tried to move away.  "Please, Daddy..." M was insistent.

Despite my pleads and whimpers, slowly his head pierced my tender hot ass.  The hot pain as he stretched my hole ripped up my spine, leaving me breathless.  Further and further with the backdrop of my tears he worked himself into my reluctant opening.  Once he was nuts deep, his hands shifted to my shoulders forcing me where he wanted.  Back arched, legs spread, hands gripping the edge of the sink, all I could do was be His victim.  After several painful strokes I began to embrace my fate.  At my core I am His whore, and I do truly love when he takes my ass.  It is raw, greedy, and dark.  Serve.  Please.  Accept.  With each persistant stroke, I relaxed and took until he no longer had to hold back the force of his desire.  My restraint broke then as well.

He began to hammer away at my asshole, just like I need.  I growled as any civilized shred of decency in me fell to the animal caged within me,  which lept in joy and absolute satisfaction at his dick's brutal assault.  "Yeeeeees...please...more..." the hungry bitch in the mirror howled.  My response simply fed his sadistic Beast.  "Cum, you nasty cunt," he ordered.  I came.  Hot, wet cum showered his nuts and fell to the tile.  He never stopped fucking me.  Arching my back even more than ever, he wrapped his arms around my neck.  I watch with a vicious smile as my face reddened from his choke hold.  Finally...a Man who would take me as I so desperately fucking needed.

I hoarsely urged him on..."I am your fucking dirty whore.  Fuck me.  Fuck my ass hard and nasty."  Releasing me, he demanded I fuck his dick like a good bitch.  Free, I let the animal in me instinctually move.  Up and down I broke my hole on his dark hungry dick.  My ass cheeks shook.  I squatted further to take Him deeper.  He grabbed my hair with both hands and pulled hard.  I came again and again splattering my thighs and his as I did my best to please my Master and Beast.

His desire began to crest.  His growls became more insistant.  He shoved me against the sink and gripped my waist forcing me to surrender to His will.  Serve.  Please.  Accept.  Louder and louder his Beast growled.  No mercy.  Harder and harder, he fucked His slave's willing, greedy ass.  There was no control.  No caution.  I came hard and deep.  Take.  Take.  TAKE.... I continued to orgasm, my muscles clenching around his dick.  Nothing mattered at that moment but Him and his shout of triumph.

I served.
I pleased.
I accepted.

Because I am His.
~DominaKat

Daddy, Please...

It's been a long day.
Daddy, please...
May I kiss you hello?
And say that I've missed you?

It's warm outside.
Daddy, please...
May I get you a drink?
Just relax for a moment.

I know you're hungry.
Daddy, please...
Sit.
May I feed you something tasty?

You look tense.
Daddy, please...
May I rub your back?
Slowly work out those knots?

You're frustrated.
Daddy, please...
Will you forgive me?
I'm so sorry.

You seem tired.
Daddy, please...
Will you come to bed?
And let me take care of you?

You're my One.
Daddy, please...
Let me love you?
Give you anything you need.

Sometimes it's not always about kink and naughtiness and pain and pleasure.  Sometimes it's simply trying to give the one you love what they need most.
~DominaKat

Lucky Girl

Browsing Fet this evening and found myself completely uninspired.  To some extent I know it's my mood...the day...missing M...a combination of everything.  But as I hopped around, the surface factor rubbed against me harshly.  So many boys are running around who treat their play partners as carelessly as rides at Disney World.  Giddy with glee to have conquered one.  Maybe they like it enough to take another spin, or maybe they dash off to the next new ride.  ~eye roll~  Now make no mistake...I'm not at ALL referring to age.  I've seen 20 year olds more grounded than some men in their late 40's.  lol

But all of that silliness made me pause and reflect on M.  I'm a very lucky girl to have someone that truly cares for me and nurtures so many different pieces of me.  In my past, most have intentionally brought out the worst.  However, M deliberately got to know me, and as my Dom he brings out the best in me.  I've never for a second felt like I was a momentary diversion or temporary entertainment.  I've never felt like I was simply a check mark off a list.  Quite the contrary, I've felt like ever action, word, and deed was a deliberate act to, with and for me and to build our relationship - not just a careless bit of something he's thrown at countless others.  Whether that is intentional or not, I don't really know, but it makes me feel valuable to him, that I matter, that He sees me.

I realized today that somewhere along the way M has gently applied healing salve to so many of my wounds.  No...they aren't all healed.  Some may unfortunately take a long, long time.  But they no longer bleed nor ache.  With Him, I don't limp as much.  I no longer feel like the female pieces of me are broken.  Words can't even come close to explaining how deeply this realization hit me.  I just know that I love him for all that he has given me and for everything he does.  He's changed me.  For the better.

While I realize we are still in the early stages of our journey together, he's already taught me so much about myself and of the intimate beauty possible in BDSM.  It wasn't simply a fanciful dream I had.  It was possible.  I was simply waiting for him to enter my life.  He couldn't have come at a better time.  I was finally ready for him.

Okay...maybe "ready" is reaching a little.  Hehehe  He is constantly pushing me to places I've never even considered.  I may not know exactly where he's leading me, but I never regret where he takes me.  ;-)
~DominaKat

Really...It's Not THAT Difficult.

~sigh~  For some reason, basics seem to escape people.  A short rant...

• Read my profile...it's in English.  You emailed me in English, which implies that you should be able to READ English.  By not taking a moment to even read my profile it means all you've seen is a big pair of tits and a fat ass that appeals to you.  Guess what?  I'm more than a few holes, and anyone deserving of my time and friendship would appreciate me for more than just those.
• Comment you selfish fucks!  lol  I get traffic.  I know you read my writing.  I know you perv my pics.  Say something!  Even if it's a suggestion or idea to improve things.  It's called communication.  You do think, don't you?  Or are you just a mindless blob in front of your computer screen?  And, No...my Dom will not be pissed.  I'm sharing myself with a Man not a selfish 12 year old who considers me another toy for him to horde in the closet.  lol  M actually enjoys when others appreciate His property.  You should see what he has me wear when we go out!  He absolutely enjoys me on display.  Just be reasonable and we'll all get along fine.
• Whining subs...OMFG stop!!!  So you have to ask permission to cum, piss, sit, eat...whatever.  It's called passing control to your dom.  Personally I love that M demands that I ask permission. It's a simple reminder that he's in charge and that I am His.  And if your Dom is an asshole...walk.  This isn't medieval times.
• Weak doms...Really?  Get a fucking grip.  You take pictures of your dick with dirty laundry and crap scattered across your floor.  How can you possibly control a woman when you can't even control the most basic aspects of your environment?  A Dom should bring more to the table than just a flogger and a cock.  Really.  Educate yourself or be content with silly subs that have little worth.
• Doms vs. Aggressive in Bed ~  YES THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!!!!  But that will have to be an entirely separate post.  A bullet just will NOT do it justice!

Well...I feel better now.  Hehehe

~DominaKat